Came across this article. I read it and it annoys me, so I’m going to cut it apart in lieu of doing something productive with my life. You guys like rage-fueled fisking, right? (Forthcoming in comments)
According to a Pew survey, from the paltry timespan of 2007-2014, the number of Americans unaffiliated with any religion increased by 6.7%, up to 22.8% of the population. The rise constitutes around 20 million people, the vast majority of which came from Catholic or mainline protestant denominations. Younger people tend to be leaving in higher numbers than the older, not surprisingly. Churches, largely staffed by older folks, are in a tizzy, and recruiting Millennials is the watchword.
It is with this context that the author appears to be able to market himself.
http://www.pewforum.org/2015/05/12/americas-changing-religious-landscape/
“3 Ways to Answer Your Christian-Critical Friends”
Listicles are the bread and butter of the website; not going to ding the guy for that. “Christian-critical”, however… I… all right, if I am giving him an insane benefit of the doubt, he wants a catch-all for the non-Christians and Christians grappling with their faith. But “critical” just carries a negative connotation that makes it a poor choice, if not an intentionally provocative one. Look, I get that it can be a neutral term, but nonetheless, one ought to be aware of the connotative baggage that word can have. “Non-Christian” or “skeptical” would be a lot less contentious right off the bat. I also understand that this is geared towards not just a Christian audience, but an evangelical one at that, but it kind of gives the impression that the only people who aren’t as onboard with Christianity as you are antagonists, as opposed to normal humans.
“Advice for meaningful conversations.”
That’s kind of a disconcerting qualifier. Not on its own, I suppose. A lot of this is a vibe from evangelical Christian culture. I suppose it sounds paranoid to an outsider. All right, chalk that up to fisking.
“Telling someone you’re a Christian can kill a conversation. Many people react strongly to Christianity with a mix of fear and anger.”
I have literally never seen that happen. I mean, maybe deep in the bowels of some internet comment board, but never seen it happen in the real world. Everyone’s out to get you me. People FEAR me. *checks box for narcissism* Like to the point where this is hilarious to imagine. >At a party, chilling, eating the all the carrots from the veggie platter because you have to eat something but fucking raw broccoli and cauliflower? fuck off. >Talking to your friend’s friends > “Oh, you were in band too? Cool! What’d you play? …. You still play at all?” “Yeah, actually, I play at a worship band at my church Sunday mornings.” > mrw http://33.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lhrzwtrmIS1qbtchoo1_400.gif > knock over the table bursting out of the room and to the safety of my car, but the CAR WON’T START! So you pull the Glock out of the glove compartment and fire it into the air, screaming obscenities all the while.
“I hate stirring up this reaction in people,”
Don’t worry, buddy, you aren’t.
“especially when I suddenly become the personal embodiment of something another person hates and fears.”
I become the embodiment of hate and fears. *checks box for insecurity, narcissism*
“To avoid this, I have found some things helpful in explaining myself as a Christian to those who do not share my faith in Christ or may even be hostile toward Christianity.”
So, this seems to suggest the benefit of the doubt re “critical” is misplaced.
“Talk More About What the Bible Says Than Your Opinion”
Yeah, nobody’s ever fuckin’ had any arguments as to what the Bible means. Nope. No discrepancy. You’re not just sharing your opinion or interpretation of the Bible, just relaying What It SaysTM.
“This gives you the freedom to be honest about how hard it can be to believe the God of the Bible and what has helped to convince you He is trustworthy.”
Uh, it’s a free country, you can already do that. THE TROOPS GAVE YOU TEH FREEDOMZ!!1!
“If you start talking only in terms of your beliefs, you get away from a focus on what is true and invite this dead-end response: ‘Well that’s, like, your opinion man.” (And a weird, still unexplained opinion at that).'”
If you start talking in terms of your beliefs, then you’re having an actual goddamn conversation with someone. That’s… that’s how that fucking works. All you have are your beliefs. Even from a religious perspective, it’s hubris to assume that your interpretation of the Bible is infallible. That’s all the other conversant has as well. If you think that you’re speaking objective truth and that anyone who doesn’t think the exact same way you do is arguing with “mere” opinion, then you are NEVER having a “meaningful conversation” with someone. *checks box for narcissism* And while you may get people dismissing your opinions, most people, particularly people with which you have even a modicum of a relationship with will hear you out. Yeah, you walk up to a guy on the street and bring up religion, people are going to walk away. But that’s that whole “meaningful conversation” deal again. Have you never had a conversation with an actual friend? The notion that I wouldn’t hear a fucking friend out, even if I were uncomfortable with getting into a debate about such a personal topic, I frankly find insulting, and worrying. *checks narcissism box again*
“Try to thank God for your Christian-critical friends—God is big enough to turn their criticisms into spiritual growth for you and them.”
This isn’t the worst sentiment–in a vacuum. But I worry what the reader will think when their friends’ criticisms don’t yield them “growth”. Not every atheist is just a Christian waiting for you to turn them back. When they don’t bite, will you still be their friend?
“You may have to do some extra studying and reading of the Bible (which is not the worst thing in the world).”
Same deal. Not bad in a vacuum, but what happens when that reading and studying doesn’t change minds?
“These videos from The Bible Project are great, share-able explanations of themes throughout the biblical story and of particular books in the Bible. I love the way they tell the Bible’s story.”
I could only find one video, but it’s possible I just couldn’t figure out the interface. Really hope this isn’t promoting for the sake of brand-building on the author’s part.
“Ask Genuine Questions and Listen”
Okay, again, that qualifier worries me. Like, do are you just bullshitting your friends when you ask them other questions? That’s not cool. *hovers over narcissism box, puts pen to paper, yields for now*
“When I was doing street evangelism as Serge staff in London”
Personal brand promotion in an article advising how to talk to friends about religion. *checks narcissism, insecurity boxes*
“I was surprised to see how blessed people felt to have someone listen to them process the big questions in life.”
Even random people I’ve barely spoken to feel blessed just talking to me. *checks narcissism box* Nobody who isn’t already an evangelical Christian tells people they feel fucking blessed with any sort of regularity. And how many of them thought you were being an annoying prick? Jesus. Pro tip: your friends have already talked to someone about religion. Can you have something new to say? Sure, it’s entirely possible. Telling people to assume their God’s fucking gift to man for talking about religion is shit advice.
” Simply listening is a generous gift”
*Checks narcissism box* No, dude, Simply listening is a basic conversation skill, and something that goes without saying when talking with friends. Have… have you ever actually had a friend?
“Be gracious to someone who verbalizes his or her thoughts for the first time or without much practice.”
Fuck me. Pro tip: not every non-Christian is just some ignorant fuckwit who’s never heard of religion and is just waiting for someone to explain it once. Most of them have had it explained just fine and have their own fucking opinions on it. And if people have trouble articulating their feelings, it’s not because their overcome with graciousness to be able to talk to someone so fucking magnanimous, it’s because it can be tricky discussing such an nuanced, monumental, and personal concept.
“Help the person understand what he or she believes.”
Jesus Christ, this is how cults get started. Your friend understands their beliefs just fine. You can have a debate with them and try to get them to change their mind, but that is not at all the same thing.
” Consider their perspective and what might be going unsaid.”
Lol. Maybe it’s something to the effect of “dude, you’re my friend and I like you, but I don’t want to have a debate about religion. It’s uncomfortable.”
” Francis Schaeffer, who founded a ministry called L’Abri, where people could ask honest questions and seek honest answers, shared his personal approach:”
Again, is this honestly your best advice, or is this marketing?
“If I have only an hour with someone, I will spend the first 55 minutes asking questions and finding out what is troubling their heart and mind, and then in the last five minutes I will share something of the truth.”
Well that’s insanely pompous and terrible advice. I can see why you gravitated towards it. See, if you only have an hour with someone, you’re not their friend. Honestly, I can never see how there is a scenario where you get an hour with someone to talk about religion. What, are people booking time with this guy? Or is this what you do to the poor bastard next to you on an airplane. Come on, don’t be that guy. Like, this just doesn’t even make sense. What questions? What “truth”? What the fuck? Conversations do not work that way!
“You don’t have to be able to answer all the questions—its OK to admit you don’t know” (sic)
Yes! Now this is advice I can get behind!
“and learn along with someone.”
*sigh* I’ll interpret this to mean you advocate for learning from your friend about their perspective, not that you’ll just look up The AnswerTM together sometime.
“Ultimately, a successful conversation is defined by both parties learning to trust God more.”
MRW I read this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJxmjw4Pv_Y
No, that. I… *exhales
” God is big enough for our questions”
And you should be big enough to accept your friends for having questions even after you tell them everything you know.
” Invite the Critic into a Genuine Friendship”
There’s no such thing as a disingenuous friendship. You’re either genuinely a friend, your you’re a lying, manipulative asshole. Treat your goddamn friends like friends regardless of their beliefs. Should have picked that up a long time ago, but better late than never.
” Offer to take them to your church or an informal gathering where friends from your church will be hanging out together.”
Yeah, nothing people who are not only not Christian, but have issues with Christianity, want more than to feel obligated into go to church surrounded by people they don’t know so they can be manipulated into joining religion. Bulletproof.
” C.S. Lewis demonstrates how powerful a Christian community can be in The Screwtape Letters, which is a series of fictitious letters written from a mature demon to his nephew in temptation training.”
This is a gigantic missed opportunity to explicitly recommend reading CS Lewis, who’s pretty much the gold standard for modern Christian apologetics. But maybe some people will be encouraged nonetheless. Anyway, the quote he provides makes no fucking sense without context and doesn’t fit the point at all.
” For it is in the church community that we all see what God is like to the degree we faithfully display His character.”
And unless your friend is interested in going to a church, their experience with the community is through you. So that’s an onus on you to be a good representative, not force your friends into uncomfortable situations because you think you know what’s fucking best for them.
” The greatest obstacle for skeptics may be the Church’s historic blunders”
No it’s not. As the Barna Group. They’re good at actually looking in to this kind of thing: https://www.barna.org/teens-next-gen.article/528-six-reasons-young-christians-leave-church
” but the loving church is the greatest apologetic. ”
No it’s not. https://www.barna.org/barna-update/millennials/635-5-reasons-millennials-stay-connected-to-church.html#.VcGWqvmDuGY
” Remember There’s Hope for Screw Ups”
That’s right, anyone who believes something different than you is a screw-up. Jesus.