A Republican and a Democrat were walking down the street when they came upon a homeless person. The Republican gave the homeless person his business card and told him to come to his business for a job. He then absolutely did not take twenty dollars out of his pocket and give it to the homeless person, because seriously, a fucking 20? Dude, Jesus himself didn’t hand out 20’s.
The Democrat was very impressed, and was all, “Are you seriously going to hire that guy?”
“Ha! Fuck no! Dude, the contact info on that was an email and a website. Like that guy has a fucking computer!” rejoined the Republican. They both shared a hearty laugh.
And when they came to another homeless person, the Democrat decided to make a show of helping in front of his friend, because appearing to be the kind of person who cares about something is way more important that actually caring, am I right? He walked over to the homeless person and gave him directions to the welfare office. He then reached into the Republican’s pocket (no homo) and gave the homeless person a check for twenty dollars. “What the hell, man?” The Republican balked as they got out of ear-shot from the man. “Oh, come on, that Raytheon guy is taking us out to lunch anyway; you won’t miss it…. Like he has a bank account anywhere anyways. I’m sure you have plenty of time to cancel it” the Democrat consoled. “Wait, I thought it was the General Dynamics guy?” “Nah, he’s next week. Anyway, can you believe that sap actually thinks there some fucking building called a ‘welfare office’? Like we just have tax money earmarked ‘welfare’ and it goes into one fucking department that has branch offices! That idiot ‘ll be walking around for hours!”
Now you understand the difference between Republicans and Democrats. Political views are not complicated, and not a single soul who has views differing from your own has even a modicum of intelligence. Everyone is stupid but people who agree with you on everything.